My Story

9:45 AM Unknown

Dearest Friends,

Welcome to my little corner of the internet! A digital queendom, if you will. I am Michelle Rivera, mama, lover and everyday goddess. With perfect understanding, I know that I have everything I need already inside of me and the universe has plenty of love for all of us if we choose to accept it and spread it around like wildfire! I am passionate about... me, my daughter, motherhood, sex-positive beliefs, spirituality, chakras, planting seeds of intention, conscious awareness, life-giving foods, creativity and so much more. This is my space to muse on about what matters most, share my experiences and reflections through love notes, vidoes and plant the seeds of change!

au·then·tic [aw-then-tik]
1. not false or copied; genuine; real: an authentic antique.
2. having the origin supported by unquestionable evidence; authenticated; verified: an authentic document of the Middle Ages; an authentic work of the old master.
3. entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; reliable; trustworthy: an authentic report on poverty in Africa.

My Story

For most of my life I've been living how I think people want me to. The pressure became way too much and I spent a lot of my adolescence alienating the ones around me. Instead of being praised for my natural leadership ability and creative inclination I was called bossy and told that my doodles kept me from paying attention. This type of treatment resulted in a lot of anger, some towards others but mostly toward myself. My self-destruction has created so much negativity in my life: an eating disorder, horrible relationships, bad friendships, pain, fear, addiction and mostly the rejection of the real, juicy love that I deserve.

I met my husband, my very best friend, in summer of 2006 and let my guard down long enough to marry him in September of 2008. Loving me is not a fetish, he sees my true self and what a wonderful gift I am to this world. We continued along through the ups and downs learning so much on our way until we were stopped dead in our tracks on May 1st of 2012. After many years of discussing our lack of interest in having a bigger family, we found out we were expecting and nothing has been the same since. My journey back to radical self love really began here and continues now and forever.

At this time I had lost about 100lbs by throwing up most meals and skating roller derby with a local league. I was down to 218lbs and feeling really good about myself and my body. Despite my feminist beliefs, my opinion of myself was still very wrapped up in my physical body. Now I was pregnant, throwing up every meal, terrified to miscarry and completely untrusting in my body's abilities.

My pregnancy was very difficult both emotionally and physically. I bled for the first trimester and couldn't hold down food for almost the whole pregnancy. Instead of gaining, I'd lost 25 lbs and I was determined to have my baby at home with no medical intervention. On top of it all, I didn't even know if I wanted to be a mother! We made a drastic change for the sake of our financial future and Jeremy took a job in Nashville, TN, where we moved in July of 2012. There I was, sick, lonely and afraid in a brand new state on the other side of the country. Disconnected from my family, friends and sanity. It was a hard time for us. We powered through and offered each other support and understanding to our best ability.

Noelle Snow let us know she was ready to join the world on January 5, 2013. Two weeks past her due date, I had a glorious birth in a warm tub, in my own home. After 19 hours of labor, and the slowest pushing you'd ever head of, she came into the world sounding like a little goat. I held her close and cried. My whole world opened up and I saw all of the connections in the universe. All of the cells, electricity and magnetic energy spinning around me. Everything made sense and all was right. Jeremy and I were parents and we had fulfilled a huge part of our destinies bringing us closer and closer to our authentic selves. I wasn't ready for the challenges that motherhood would bring. Specifically the mirror it would hold up to me and say "look, she's there, inside of you, you just have to let go".

Its funny to me that people think that we teach our children anything. They learn by watching, mimicking, listening but we don't really teach them anything if you think about it. I believe its our job as parents to facilitate a safe space for them to explore the world and that they'll consistently learn on their own. However, she teaches me what life is all about each and every moment of the day. She's shown me what's truly important. Her innocent, honest, authentic ways help me to remember what it is to live for happiness and the the universe was created for it.

Since then life has been a whirlwind. The three biggest factors that have really sent my life and this blog into motion are:

Women's Circle: A woman’s circle is an intimate gathering where we learn new ways of speaking, listening, and relating to others. It is a place where we discover and integrate new blueprints that serve the women we are becoming. As each woman claims her seat in the circle we come together as equals united by our common purpose. More here.

Chiropractic Care: I've been lucky enough to learn about holistic care (from the inside out) by our wonderful holistic practitioner and his staff. From nutrition, to essential oils, to minimizing toxins to choosing an exercise that's right for me. I've had the support and guidance of some really amazing people with some serious integrity!

Mother's Support: Since moving to Nashville I've found some of the most loving, radical mothers who understand what it means to trust your instincts, value research and truly practice self care. I never thought in a million years that I would hear someone say "Its OK to feel like you're having a nervous breakdown, motherhood can be overwhelming!". They've taught me what it means to be kind to my humanity and respectful of my process in becoming a mother and blossoming into my new role. Their guidance has meant so much to me and I shed a tear for the cultural pressures for perfection surrounding motherhood. I have been so endlessly blessed.

This huge wake-up call encouraged me to make a total lifestyle upgrade inside and out! I'm learning how to listen to my amazing natural instincts, get back to the universe's infinite wisdom, the garden and kitchen have all of the answers (not the pharmacies), and connected me more deeply with the people and animals who just fill my life up with joy. I've learned that nutrient-dense, plant filled food rules, the crappy, standard american diet will make me miserable, the universe exists for my happiness, oxygen supply feels awesome (great for your head, heart, cells and bod), happiness and hope is utterly contagious, and you cannot have enough sparkly nail polish, knitted cupcakes, wood blocks, sushi dates, wild flowers or kombucha in your life!

For more weirdness and fun stuff about me visit the FAQ! And to read about my entrepreneurial dream goals visit here.

Love, Michelle

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